Discomfort with uncertainty is part of being human. We like to know what is going on and believe we understand what’s coming. It gives us the comfortable illusion of being in control. We’ve been wired this way over centuries and, as a result, our brains are constantly on the lookout for patterns that will help us determine what will happen next. Failure to do so makes us anxious.
Some of us, particularly the subset of the human race who are financial planners, are so interested in control that we spend our time planning for the unknowable future. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in the planning process, even though it doesn’t mean we can accurately predict the future. The process, even without being prescient, is valuable because it allows us to thoughtfully consider our options and the consequences of different strategies, then make decisions that are reasonably likely to help us achieve our wishes. Planning helps us better prepare for a variety of possible futures.
In the danger zone
But what happens when unexpected stuff happens? You know, like the things happening in our lives during this pandemic? Another very normal response, when the unexpected happens and catches us unaware, is to catastrophize. I’ve found myself doing this and maybe you have, too. Fox example, I learned my brother was sick with COVID-19 symptoms. I was gripped with fear—sweaty palms, racing heart, the works! In the absence of a functioning, reliable crystal ball, my brain supplies its own story—he’ll get worse, he’ll have to be hospitalized, there won’t be a ventilator available, he’ll die. No, no, I can’t bear to lose another person I love, I just lost my dad!
We can catch ourselves and reframe the scary situation. It turns out that uncertainty isn’t the worst thing, our catastrophic imaginary scenarios are. As meditation superstar teacher Sharon Salzberg tells us, believing we know the future—and that it’s awful—is worse than uncertainty. When I start to go down the catastrophic road, it is a relief to remind myself that life is uncertain and I don’t know the future. I’m not in charge. Life happens. Channel Doris Day singing “Que Sera, Sera”. Take a deep breath. I’ll take uncertainty and accepting that I’m not in charge over my own detailed worst case scenario every time. Try this yourself at home next time you find yourself going down this path.
Calm down and reconsider
Once I’ve calmed down my right brain and retreated from panic mode, I can examine the situation more rationally to see if there’s an action I should take. In my example, my left brain reminded me of a few facts: that COVID-19 is more likely not to be fatal in healthy people without contributing factors, like my brother, that the hospitalization and death rates actually quite small. That really all I need to do is show my love and concern by staying in touch. And the right brain is settled enough to listen and be persuaded.
I hope that you, too, will find comfort in dark moments from remembering that we don’t know the future. Welcome uncertainty—it can be a good thing.
By the way, my brother is almost fully recovered. I haven’t told him about my anxiety attack, though!
Would working with an understanding personal finance expert let you get a better night’s sleep? I’m here to help! Give me a call (336-701-2612) or send me a message.
Check out Dan Harris’ wonderful interview with Sharon Salzberg on his Ten Percent Happier Podcast!
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